he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
