overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
