Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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