just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
