she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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