So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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