i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
