If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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