Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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