That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
