So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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