Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
