oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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