they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
