I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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