my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
