idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
