I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
