Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
