thus making me awesome and them whores
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
