We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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