he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
