Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
