how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
