even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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