So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
