it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
