You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
