My nipple is on Facebook.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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