New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
