apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
