i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
