Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
