My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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