Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
