I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
