I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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