What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
