Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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