just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
