It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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