So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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