I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
