I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
