I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
