fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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