if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
