Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
