i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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