belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
