I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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