Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
