I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
