Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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